The Prodigal Daughter Returns

For the last few weeks, I've been thinking about returning to Church.

It's a big step as I've not attended in almost a year, and I've been questioning everything. Do I believe in God. Do I believe in a God that takes attendance. Do I believe in a God who lets so much destruction and hate happen in his name. Or even not in his name! Why exactly do bad things happen to those who do good and why does it seem that the bad go unpunished?

Over the last year, I've been strengthening myself. I was looking inward and I have started to come to realise that when I was trying to gain a sense of control over my life, to strengthen and improve my mental health, and looking for things I could control over things that I had no control over, that I pulled away from religion.

It wasn't that religion was to blame, or even that religion would have solved the issues, I just didn't have the capacity to be the person that everyone needed me to be whilst desperately trying to hold onto the one thing I knew to be real and true.

Me.

And as time has gone on, it's been easy to pretend that not going to Church wasn't hurting me.

It was easy to fill my time with other things, things which didn't fill me spiritually but left me feeling satited.

It was leading me further and further away from me.

And then I as I was setting my goals for 2024, trying to decide how best to help me to be the best person I could be and I knew what I wanted my Spiritual goal for the year to be that I went to Church regularly.

Only... That wasn't quite right.

Church isn't just a building.

Church isn't just about attending on a Sunday.

Church isn't really about me.

So I thought longer and harder and came up with the idea that I should work on 2024 on being a better Christian.

Which led me to the conversation I had this week with a woman I know from church. She urged me to return, without knowing it was one of my goals for the year.

And so I set my resolve.

I would plan to attend just twice in the month. Knowing that I'd trick myself into getting back into a routine, and that I'd end up attending every week once the habit was set.

No lessons, just sneak in after the sacrament had been passed and out before the last hymn was sung so I was attending... Just not socialising.

And then a message was sent about choir practice and I wanted to go. It was a reason to stay for lessons and all of a sudden it was Sunday morning and nerves set in.

I didn't want to go.

But I got in the car, I drove, I parked, I walked in...

I was kissed, I was hugged, I was patted, I was squeezed, I was smiled at, I was waved at, I was greeted, I was 

It felt like I was the Prodigal Daughter and that I had retuned.

It made me think of the story of the prodigal son and it's explanation of God's love for us as His children.

God's love for us does not depend on our faithfulness; it is unconditional.

Though we are demanding and do not remain faithful, God is still our faithful and loving Father.

We will always be greeted with loving arms be it by him or by his children.